Ok, so someone goes quiet in a meeting and everyone reads that as them agreeing. It’s usually the opposite.
The client who stops asking questions isn’t satisfied and happy. They’ve decided that asking questions just isn’t worth it anymore, or they’ve stopped believing that the answer’s going to change. That stakeholder who used to always push back and now says “sounds good” probably hasn’t come round. They’ve checked out, or they’re saving the real conversation about what they’re thinking for somewhere and some time you’re not in the room.
Early in my career I used to take quiet as a good sign. Fewer emails, fewer objections, smoother meetings, got to be a good thing right! Turns out it’s a bit like being very pleased your smoke alarm’s stopped going off whenever you make toast without checking if someone’s taken the battery out.
Then I saw projects that I thought were going fine collapse because someone had a concern that started weeks before, but nobody had said it out loud.
So now quiet is something I’ll go looking into, not something I relax about.
What that looks like
It’s not a survey and it’s not a “just checking in, all good?” email, which is frankly the easiest question to answer with a “yep” whether or not it’s true.
It’s a proper, direct, one-to-one conversation with the person who’s gone quiet. Not a conversation that says “Is everything ok?” but more like “you used to ask about {insert thing that was their baby/bugbear} and I’ve noticed you’ve stopped, what’s changed?”
In reality that means picking up the phone, arranging a one on one video call or even meeting up in person rather than sending another email. It’s a small thing, but a written question gives everyone an easy way to say a polite “all fine” without really answering. A direct conversation makes that much much harder to do, tone gives things away that the one-line email doesn’t.
Most of the time it’s nothing and taking the time simply gives you both chance to chat things through and get context. Occasionally you’ve spotted the entire project is about to come off the rails and you’ve given your stakeholder the chance to get their thoughts and feelings out in the open.
When it’s not nothing
It’s worth taking the time to say this out loud: sometimes, even when you do all of this right, the relationship ends anyway. The client moves on. The whole project gets shelved. The working relationship simply reaches its natural end. That’s not a failure of having the conversation you had, and it’s not a judgement on either you or your client. Not every relationship lasts forever, and not every relationship should – some clients aren’t the right fit and some projects just run their course.
Being open and asking the honest question doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. It simply means that whatever ending you get is a real one, not one you find out about by accident three months later, via a slightly too-polite email that starts “After some internal discussions.”
That’s actually the point I’m trying to make with this musing. This isn’t about saving every relationship. It’s about not being the last person in the room to know what’s happening in your own project or client account.
The paper trail problem
So, here’s the version of this whole scenario that costs the most emotionally. The quiet goes on long enough that it becomes a paper trail instead of a conversation. Emails start getting copied to more people (none of whom you have met). Meeting notes become far more formal. Everyone starts to cover themselves rather than talking to each other. By the time the whole thing starts to resemble a very formal set of documentation, the relationship’s already very broken.
Learn from my experience, you can usually spot the shift before it fully happens. When an email reply includes a cc to someone’s manager. The email that used to be two lines and is now five, carefully worded lines. If you’ve got someone who’s gone quiet in meetings and this has all started happening, you’ve got a perfect storm of warning signs.
Catching it before that point isn’t a personality trait or being naturally good with people. It’s a habit. Notice who’s stopped talking. Go and find out why. Do it before the silence becomes a paper trail.